A little background…I am a child of divorce; lots of divorces. I had little faith in the long-lasting nature of marriage and had watched my mother struggle to raise two daughters from two different failed marriages on her own. She had little education and no parenting tools to speak of. Tough stuff. I also had an aunt who was a child abuser, and it frightened me that anger like that might exist in me as well. I was never much of a “baby person” and I never had the marriage day fantasies like some of my friends.
Then my husband came along and changed everything.
He came from a tightly knit family with long, successful marriages and in his worldview, marriage worked, he definitely wanted children and I was the one for him. Since he is a brilliant and determined man, he patiently earned my trust and love and finally my agreement to consider having children.
In my typical business/mortgage banking style, I presented my contract negotiation positions:
- I would consider having a child after a couple of years of independent wedded bliss.
- I would consider having a second if, and only if, I liked the first one. (ha!) and…
- In a divorce, since he had the superior education and family support and resources, he would have primary custody of the children.
No. 3 sounds cold doesn’t it?
But think about it; that is something every woman has to consider before she brings a child into the world. Continue reading